The Potter Monster
by AWMPerry
Summary: Harry's got a roaring little monster in his chest what famous creatures do we know that live inside people's chests? A short, probably oneshot parody, though probably on the serious side of funny. Rated M for gore, erring on the cautious side.


The Potter Monster

AUTHOR'S NOTES: So, that monster in Harry's chest – what was that all about? Well, what other creatures do we know of that live in people's chests and roar a lot?

As always, there are a few references to various sources; as far as I remember, there are three of them in this installment. Try to catch all of them - there may be a small prize (but almost certainly not). Actually, there won't be, but it's a laugh all the same, right?

First line shamelessly pinched from _Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince_, all characters and canon elements property of J K Rowling and her agents. All elements of the _Alien_ universe property of 20th Century Fox.

* * *

The creature in his chest roaring in triumph, he grinned down and Ginny and gestured wordlessly out of the portrait hole. But before he could move, his face suddenly contorted with pain. He fell to his knees, clutching his chest.

"Harry!" Ginny sounded frantic. "Harry, what's wrong?"

Blood was oozing from his chest, staining the front of his shirt.

"Ron," Hermione ordered briskly, "get Madam Pomfrey, quickly." Ron rushed off, and Hermione knelt beside Harry, easing him down against the wall. "Harry, can you hear me?"

"Ginny…" Harry's voice was weak and unclear through his gritted teeth. "Hermi… AAAAARGH!"

He screamed as his chest seemed to bulge, straining against the shirt. There was a cracking sound, which Hermione knew had to be his ribs breaking.

"Harry!" Ginny was wide-eyed in terror, shaking him by the shoulders, trying to keep him awake. Then, suddenly, there was a final thrust against his shirt and it – and his chest – split open, showering the three with blood.

A vaguely tubular creature emerged, its blocky head slimy and glistening, tiny sharp teeth bared in a hiss.

"Oh no," Harry murmured, staring down at it. "Not again…"

He fell back against the wall, his eyes closing. Ginny lunged for him, but recoiled as the creature leapt out of Harry's chest and glared at her. It hissed loudly and scuttled away, sprinting across a table and knocking the butterbeer flying.

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT?" Hermione's usual unflappable demeanour had vanished as she stared at the chaos the creature had left in its wake. Ginny, looking stunned and staring at the cavity in Harry's chest, said nothing.

Just then, the portrait swung open.

"How's Harry?" panted Ron, bursting in through the door and closely followed by the white-robed figure of Madam Pomfrey. "Is he hurt?" He stopped dead when he saw the carnage. "Bloody hell…"

"He's definitely Hurt," replied Hermione grimly, still in shock. "Something burst out of him and ran off."

"It was horrible," Ginny added, staring blankly into thin air.

Pomfrey opened the bag she had on her shoulder and elbowed her way to Harry.

"You'll need to give me a few minutes without crowding me," she said briskly. "Miss Granger, lumos, if you would. The rest of you, go and sit down."

They nodded dumbly and moved off, while Hermione drew her wand and lit it, casting a bright white glow over the gore.

"Can… can you save him?" Her voice was faint, and her wand hand trembled slightly.

"He'll need a new lung," Pomfrey muttered, her hands buried up to the wrists in Harry's chest. "Three ribs are shattered, too, they'll take some work. And the sternum, that's no use." She withdrew a chunk of bone and discarded it. "But Mr Potter has experience with Skele-Grow, so he should be all right eventually." She pointed her wand at his heart and mumbled something; a moment later it started beating again. "With this kind of trauma he's lucky I got here so quickly, five more minutes and I wouldn't have been able to resuscitate him."

She folded Harry's chest shut again and wrapped a bandage around it.

"Help me get him to the infirmary. _Levicorpus_." He floated into the air, guided by Madam Pomfrey. Hermione extinguished her wand and opened the portrait door. "Weasleys, fetch Professor Dumbledore. Whatever caused this damage probably needs to be caught."

Ginny turned to her, concern evident on her face. "Will he be all right?"

"Probably." Madam Pomfrey smiled kindly. "But it'll take a few weeks." And with that, she disappeared into the corridor.

* * *

Well, I hadn't intended this to be more than a one-shot, but then I reckoned that I couldn't really leave it at just the chestburster scene without following it up. In other words, expect things to get interesting, particularly if I ever get round to writing a second chapter... 


End file.
